Why fear? When I am here
I'm not entirely atheist, yet. I'm an agnostic. I call out and question the beliefs yet try to make sure I don't hurt the feelings of those who believe. Though I don't prefer going to temples, I have been made to accompany them for the sake of my family. In one such instance, I went to "Sai Baba Temple" in Mylapore Chennai yesterday.
When I have been vocally against the mythical gods, to visit a human god was a bit bizarre for me. The temple is located in a nice quaint locality with a good connection to buses across the city. We reached the temple and I was mildly surprised to see a decent crowd on a Sunday evening and not Thursday.
The temple was spacious and well ventilated, truly the god of riches. We stood in the queue for about 20 minutes before I reached the idol of Shirdi Sai Baba. Despite my non- belief, I said to myself that I would pray to him. But when my turn came I went blank.
I bent down to the idol's legs as everyone before me was doing. I wanted to say something. I have umpteen problems in my life yet I couldn't utter a word. I just touched the legs, sprung up and moved away. It was weird. I tried to conceive it as my disbelief getting stronger and hence even if I wanted to pray, I am not able to.
After the main idol, there was another idol in the behind that looked almost like the main 'god'. People were praying with utmost respect. I noticed several paintings across the hall. They were beautiful and very well drawn. There were even some sculptures. Unfortunately, there weren't any explanations to the paintings or sculptures. I know he is said to have performed some miracles during his life on earth. My family as well were unaware of them so I just had to admire them and move on, quite similar to how theists can't explain the belief but have faith.
There was a meditation hall to the left and we rested there for a little while. We were given a packet of sugar as "prasadam". It regrettably was unopenable. When we came near the exit, there was a second set of "Prasadam" being given. This it was "Sakkara pongal" aka sweet pongal. We sat down to eat it, it was appetising. But it was so full of sugar and we were unable to eat it, like I have never eaten anything that sweet.
My uncle who shares my beliefs took a dig that the pongal is so sweet because it would give us diabetes and we would come again to the temple to pray to cure us, a better conspiracy theory that's prone to be true than the US never made it to the moon theory.
When I went near the idol, I noticed an interesting quote. It stated "Why fear? When I am here". A punch dialogue that would put the current dialogue writers to shame. It was ironic and paradoxical as the root for someone to have faith in the "god" in the first place is fear. To fear or not fear, we'll never know. Something similar to if he exists or doesn't exist.
