The problem I know, the solution I don’t

On the other day, I was called by my team leader and was assigned a minor task. It was something different from the usual work I do. I started working on it during which I got skeptical over the reason it was assigned to me. Am I doing fine? Are they finding any shortcomings in my work? Is this an assessment for me which I need to complete it successfully? are some of the numerous questions raised in my mind. Though I completed the task within a jiffy, these questions remained unanswered. I had to discuss with one of my colleagues to settle down the dust.

Two days after this Incident, my grandpa who’s also an astrologer advised me out of nowhere to make decisions of my own. He said I might consider other’s thought but the final decision must be mine. My grandpa used to sprinkle advice as and when he feels to and if it were before a year or so I would have taken it as without digging deep into it. But, questions over the reason for this advice started to pop up. I started fearing whether something bad is to occur shortly or is it going to be downhill for a while from now. As always, I stressed him to reveal the reason for this advice to which he said it was just a normal one and doesn’t need to be delved further.

The amount of importance that I give to little things is quite tiring that sometimes I worry myself when a person who bids good night with an emoji every day sends a plain good night. It worries me about their sudden change of style and does it have anything to do with my behavior or is it just that they are tired to send that emoji. These are some of the many incidents wherein I worry unnecessarily over the things that don’t demand much attention. I have shared this with some of my close pals who just throw in the advice of not to overthink, but don’t say how to. The brain keeps on thinking even during the sleep that I dream of fighting with a friend for making multiple calls to a friend who recently uninstalled WhatsApp.

One other advice which is quite valuable is to divert your thoughts with altering activities. Say if you are overthinking and you realize that you are overthinking, divert by watching a youtube video or reading a book. This advice looks a possible solution but the mind rejects any activity before being logically okay and answers all questions about the particular issue that’s running in the mind. Like for anything, I googled over the ways to stop overthinking. All I could find was numerous postulates on positivity and “you only live once” kinda stuff.

Thus, the search for a solution continues while I was able to find the cause for the same, The overthinking brain is too cautious about the future that it sees everything in 3 different colors, Black, White, and Grey. White is when the brain is aware that something is a sure yes while Black is when the brain knows that something is a sure no. The problematic part is grey where the brain is unaware of what is gonna happen, As a result of which It assumes things which are 99% negative. Consider the first case of me being assigned a minor task, the brain is unaware of the reason and hence it assumes that my position is at stake,

Digging deep, I figured out the reason for the grey part that provokes negative assumptions and numerous questions. While it is sure that everything is gonna turn white or black for sure, the brain is impatient and wants to find out as soon as possible due to the fear of failure. The fear of failure is something that has been a case to be discussed since long. To be honest, failure has not been in my path often which I consider to be the reason for my fear. Further searching reasons for the fear of failure, lack of trust is what I find. Basically, its lack of trust over people, self, organization or anybody over anything. Having figured out these things, I wish to find a solution for this someday so that I could sleep peacefully at night instead of letting my pain flow throw words like this.

writes what heart feels!