The Marriage Story

I didn’t have luck finding love on my own, maybe I wasn’t destined to. So here goes the story of how I found one with aid.

Back in October or November 2023, on a rainy day my sisters sprung me with the question of what kind of girl do you want as your life partner. I was taken aback. I didn't know they had been planning on this talk for sometime. I responded like any normal guy would as I haven't settled yet and some other reasons. I was initially firm that I won't get married for atleast the next two years. The resistance didn't last long when they pulled the dad's health and mom getting old factor. I budged and I said okay I'll get married.

The Groom Photoshoot

I didn't have any good photos that are not mirror selfies. I have been to trips where I came back taking zero photos, 'cause I am too shy to ask a friend to take a single of pic of mine and I am a very bad at posing. I am possibly the worst poser in the world, one that would put Chandler from Friends to shame. After I had hit the gym, I had started taking mirror selfies but those were rejected stating it won't look good. Finally on the day of Nov 19, the painful WC final day morning, I went for a groom photoshoot. It was a train wreck. I couldn't pose normal. I got too anxious. I had my sister and uncle trying to help me with various poses yet nothing came to aid. I would be relaxed before the photo and I would grow stiff immediately after the photographer would say "Smile please". It was very bad. And, the results were bad too. I paid some 3k for it yet I didn't find one pic good enough for matrimonial sites. Finally, after much discussions I chose a slightly not so bad picture from the lot for matrimony. Fortunately, I had a pic with my nephew the night before and it looked good. So, chose that one too to be posted.

The matrimonial site

The family chose our community matrimony to find a girl for me. I still remember the Friday night when we sat down to create a profile for me there. We had many redos before we came to a final conclusion on what's going to be my requirement. I didn't have much. I am a nice guy in my opinion. Similarly, I wanted a nice girl as a partner and preferably hold a job so that I may not be burdened by the taxes that Nirmala Tai lays on the common folk. The profile was set and the search started.

The obstacles

I am a decent guy. I have a functioning and good family and I have a good job that pays sufficiently. One would think, what could be the obstacles for this guy. I didn't have one but three obstacles.

One, my second sister fought for her love and married a guy from another caste. So, majority of the families found us to be against their conventional beliefs and wouldn't want to do anything with us. I don't know how my sister comes into the picture of my marriage. Anyway, good riddance from those uptight families.

Two, astrology was the next hindrance. Both my family and the prospective families are hell bent to find a match only with those whom the astrology aligns well. I was told I didn't have "dosham" or those kind of stuffs yet many families rejected stating this reason. Still, believe this was a easier way to let me down than to say that they didn't like me or found me not enough.

Third, this is one of the most ridiculous and stupidest reasons I have heard. The community matrimony had several people from madurai and some from other cities. My parents are from Thirunelveli while I was born and brought up in Madurai. Yet, I was rejected left and right stating I am not a true blue madurai guy. Certain families were crazy enough to post "Don't call us if you are not from Madurai". I was told that my uncle faced a similar fate when he started out to search a match in 2010. There seems to be no cure for this even in 2024.

The close calls

I had some matches with families coming to close finalising only to be rejected by the above said reasons. It didn't hurt me one bit. But my family was hurt that I wasn't getting any match. I planned to write this rant just coz of this stupidity that is common in arranged marriages. The first thing that needs to be verified is not if both of them like each other or not, it's the astrological match. And then the insanity of no intercaste marriage within the family. Why the heck would my sister's marriage be a matter of concern in my marriage? I am proud of my sister. She found love in college, fought for her love, stood her ground when there was objections and eventually married her love. It's silly, stupid and absolutely ridiculous.

There was even a match with a girl. Their family called me and got to know my details. It was pongal and so I wishes them happy Pongal. She was intrigued by my profile and personality that she pinged me. Their parents didn't know. We started texting and got to know each other a bit. Sadly, the above said reasons were the end of our small friendship as their family was rigid not to allow me in their family.

The victory

After a few months, my first premium recharge had exhausted and I recharged for a year in fear that what if I don't find a match in 3 months or 6 months. Gladly, she found me in 15 days. One fine day, I received a message in my family group with a pic of her and her father. I liked her immediately without knowing much details. I enquired about her afterwards and they all seem to be matching. I didn't know back then that I have lucked out in finding such a girl via matrimony.

Our families met at a temple initially. It went well and I was introduced to their family on one Sunday. I got to talk with her and our vibes matched instantly. Her father was sceptical and didn't allow her daughter to share her number. We messaged via LinkedIn in our first month, yes linkedin. Only time I found it be not depressing. We moved to Instagram soon. After sometime we exchanged our phone numbers.

The marriage

As with many things in my life, I didn't have any huge expectations on my marriage. I wanted a normal marriage with my family and friends beside me. However, the buildup to the marriage was frustrating. I had to say yes for the sake of family which I normally wouldn't say yes. I was not alone and I can't do anything. It was a family function and I had to walk on egg shells not to hurt anybody.

On November 21, I married her in Madurai with my family and friends beside.

The search started on November 2023 and I was truly lucky to have found a girl like her in just a year, that too via matrimony.

She

My expectations via matrimony was that I would find a girl but I wasn't sure if I would find love. I have seen couples who are married sans love. So, my expectations weren't high. But, she truly loves me for who I am. I am a product of self doubt and regret. She finds me smart which I didn't believe for many many years. She made me believe I am worthy of love. I find her to be a soul that I can lean on to. She has this positive vibe that's hard to avoid. She sees the good in all and wants to be kind to everyone, even to the relatives I hate the most.

We’ve had our fair share of fights in this little period and we’ll have more. Yet, I believe me and she are destined for forever.