Murali Vijay and Me: A slim similarity in headspaces
Murali Vijay, the Indian test opener and Tamilnadu cricketer has been under severe criticism for his shambolic display in IPL 2020. He opened the batting alongside Watson in the first 3 games and failed in all the three games. Result of those failures, he was axed from the eleven for the 4th game. His form has been on the downfall in recent years. His stint at DC and KXIP didn’t go well and his former team CSK got him back in 2018. Now that he has failed again and the team is failing as well. It won’t be a surprise if CSK let him go and he goes unsold as well in the next year’s auction.
Our mind is a weird space where the continuous speculations of ‘what would happen next’ keeps on happening repeatedly. Obviously, in a sport, it’s normal for a player to achieve glory and also to be out of sorts. As we know, Sportsmen take it one at a time without stressing upon the future. But I couldn’t stop wondering if there’s won’t be a little spot in mind that would be concerned about what happens next year after this season. I was in a similar space last year at this time.
Last year around this time, I wasn’t doing well workwise. I had made some mistakes that had put my superiors under some scrutiny. There were complaints about my ability in the team and it was taking a toll on my mental health. My superior offered me a final opportunity for me to find my mojo back. We were leaving for a trip and he had said I will decide your fate post this trip and it’s up to you to correct your mistakes. We would be working during the day and would be enjoying/sightseeing during the night and the early hours in the morning.
My teammates were pumped for several activities planned but I could never be happy knowing that I could be terminated after the trip. I couldn’t stop regretting the mistakes I have done. It was a hell to fake a laugh to your teammates while your mind is filled with negative thoughts. Sitting at the team meetings where major plans and tasks for the future are put out. While the rest of my team would be motivated, I would be wondering if I am there in the future.
Obviously, I could stay positive, do my work, and leave the rest for the future. Unfortunately, it’s easier said than done. I tried to stay positive and enjoy the trip but I kept falling into the abyss of negative outcomes and what-ifs. I guess it would be similar for Murali Vijay right now. He will have to travel with the team to different venues. Keep practicing like I used to work and there will be a little space in his mind that would be concerned about the next season. More than me, the negativity that he is receiving in Social Media must be daunting for him. It would surely be debilitating to see the mockeries and no wonder if he starts questioning his skills as well. Guess, he restrains them from his mind and concentrates on addressing his weak areas and improves his skills.
The trip lasted for 15 days. The trip would have been amazing if not for the speculations that had been running in my mind. The emotional turbulence in my mind pummeled the mental health with immense negative thoughts. There had been times during which I even thought of doing some worst things to escape reality. Gladly, I controlled my urge and stayed intact with what’s happening. My performance was reviewed and we settled for a team change as both I and my mentor agreed that I need a fresh start. It has been around a year since I came to this team. I can’t say my mistakes were erased, it’s just that they are archived. I am trying to be careful in everything I do and I have improved a lot. Hopefully, Murali Vijay who surely would be in a better state of mind than me finds his mojo back and makes a remarkable comeback next year.
It’s never over until we give up!
